You know from reading previous posts at this site that I am not beyond chuckling (maybe???) at the plight we call aging - particularly as relates to the male perspective on such things. So here we go again. I have to admit that it distresses me somewhat to admit that one of the more "proud" parts of my anatomy anymore (if you catch my drift) are some of the stray hairs I seem to have developed, and distributed to many diverse and unexpected body parts, as I have aged. I have hairs growing on my ears that stand at such rapt attention, one would not at all be surprised to find them in the Queen's Honor Guard (only a small stretch of the imagination).
Although I am not totally sure I am the first to have the thought, I have in recent years concluded, there's no such thing as male pattern baldness! Based on my aging experience, and that of many others with whom I have compared notes about such things, what really happens to the hair that escapes its original lofty location (read: top of head) is that it simply migrates to another location! I know you know what I am talking about. Just look at guys my age. Sure, it may be getting thin, or even invisible, on top, but look at all the impressive patches of hair that have sprung up, simply everywhere. Okay, I won't embarrass any of my pals, so we'll just use me as an example.
Do you realize my eyebrows are now more lush, more glorious, and require more shampooing and conditioning than my "official" hair? No, I am not kidding. And on top of all that, I have to trim them way more often than I need a haircut (weekly at the very least versus every month and a half or so).
Then there's the aforementioned ear hairs. Not only are they stiff as a board, they grow at enormous speed, have a beautiful brown luster closely matching my moustache (from years gone by, way back before I ever tried and then gave up on a "fantastic" age cheater called Just for Men for Moustaches and Beards, and finally shaved it because it was so white you couldn't see it). And quite frankly, though I truly hate to admit it, I even think they wax better!
Need additional proof that my theory is valid? Okay, how about nose hairs in old guys? You know it's true. Just look at some of us aging dudes. Unless we have displayed the utmost in disciplined grooming, any view toward our noses on any given day could easily find our family and friends saying, "Go immediately to the bathroom and look in the mirror." Though I am fairly convinced growing a moustache is no longer logical for me due to the invisibility issue I mentioned earlier in this posting, I am just as convinced that if called to do so, I could approximate a moustache in extremely short order via some manner of comb down strategy - and on top of all that, I wouldn't have to resort to Just for Men for Moustaches and Beards, because it, like my other migrating hair, seems to have reclaimed its original color and luster with no need for artificial help.
Then there's that patch of hair I seem to have sprung on my backside, just slightly south of the well know plumber's view you may have heard about. If you were to take a gander at that outcropping ... oh, never mind - maybe good taste and decorum says I shouldn't take you there! Regardless, I am certain my theory holds water and expect you will agree if you think about it.
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