Health Club Follies

I joined a health club approximately five months ago - a noble if somewhat misguided enterprise for those of us inexorably racing toward our own personal demise. Aside from what is possibly some manner of health benefits such a decision has delivered, some unexpected issues have floated to awareness because of this new habit. That's right, there are other people also using the facility, and thus has opened a whole new and wonderful plethora of humankind to observe, enjoy and make profound observations about.

I guess one of the first things I would like to offer for you to consider is the need for certain things to be standardized. No, I am not talking about the equipment, or fees, or club rules, or anything like that. I am talking about the surgical enhancements of certain club members. You see, at the club I belong to, a significant number of NFL and MLB wives are members. You cannot miss most of them, as they all seem to be cut out of virtually the same mold. What might that mold be, you may muse? Most are there anytime and every time I am in the club, regardless of day, time, weather, etc. Most are stick thin, except for whatever favorite muscle they've overdeveloped. Most if not all are blond, rarely natural, usually enhanced. And speaking of enhanced, all save one have had extremely large "headlight assemblies" added to their chassis.

Therein lies the rub. Apparently there's no prescribed standard location in the plastic surgery universe for attaching such accessories. Some are low, some are middle, some are high ... way too high. Some point down, some point up, some point out, and some point rather impolitely and glaringly at any innocent who covertly tries to steal a glance when no one is watching. I say this is a national tragedy, and an issue that needs addressing right away. What do you think?

Nancy Pelosi heading to prison

I know ... just wishful thinking on my part. But should it be? Her trip to Syria did as-yet-undefined damage to our interests and the war on terror. Now just today, this left wing idiot has announced she just might go to Iran and start her own peace initiative. What does a crazy bitch have to do to get arrested around this joint?

Imus and the zealots

Look, the truth is, I could give a damn one way or the other about Imus. I have for sometime felt that he's a total idiot. His nappy remark was of course stupid and totally out of line. Now MSNBC and CBS have dropped him because of their so-called moral outrage and that of their viewers, listeners, etc.

Here's what chaps my ass though: Where's all the outrage about all the rappers, hip hoppers, gang bangers, NBA athletes, etc. who routinely and blatantly use similar or worse epitaphs on a regular, visible and extremely loud basis.

I am also sick and tired of all the "moral pillars" that are piling on Imus for the purpose of solidifying their financial interests ... and yes, that's all it's about. Of course I mean the likes of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Funny thing about these two in particular: As they pile it on, I cannot seem to locate any evidence of them coming forward to apologize for that same behavior toward the Duke lacrosse "criminals." I would guess they'll be apologizing just any second now, don't you?

Duke lacrosse case dropped = apologies coming?

Well, now that the Duke lacrosse "case" has finally been dropped, I guess we should expect some very rapid apologies from Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, the ACLU and the like??? Not!!!!!!! What are your expectations for this "sterling" group?