Sunday, April 15, 2007

Health Club Follies

I joined a health club approximately five months ago - a noble if somewhat misguided enterprise for those of us inexorably racing toward our own personal demise. Aside from what is possibly some manner of health benefits such a decision has delivered, some unexpected issues have floated to awareness because of this new habit. That's right, there are other people also using the facility, and thus has opened a whole new and wonderful plethora of humankind to observe, enjoy and make profound observations about.

I guess one of the first things I would like to offer for you to consider is the need for certain things to be standardized. No, I am not talking about the equipment, or fees, or club rules, or anything like that. I am talking about the surgical enhancements of certain club members. You see, at the club I belong to, a significant number of NFL and MLB wives are members. You cannot miss most of them, as they all seem to be cut out of virtually the same mold. What might that mold be, you may muse? Most are there anytime and every time I am in the club, regardless of day, time, weather, etc. Most are stick thin, except for whatever favorite muscle they've overdeveloped. Most if not all are blond, rarely natural, usually enhanced. And speaking of enhanced, all save one have had extremely large "headlight assemblies" added to their chassis.

Therein lies the rub. Apparently there's no prescribed standard location in the plastic surgery universe for attaching such accessories. Some are low, some are middle, some are high ... way too high. Some point down, some point up, some point out, and some point rather impolitely and glaringly at any innocent who covertly tries to steal a glance when no one is watching. I say this is a national tragedy, and an issue that needs addressing right away. What do you think?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're extremely funny. I love the way you see things all of us see on a daily basis and are able to make me laugh almost everytime you write about such things. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

AND...I'll bet most of those so called "headlight assemblies" rarely, if ever move when any sort of strenuous exercise is being performed! No jiggly bits anywhere to be seen...
HA!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

This is particularly funny because it rings so true!

SoHoS said...

except for whatever favorite muscle they've overdeveloped

lololol

Unknown said...

Just remember: they're real if you can touch 'em!